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Wednesday, April 21, 2004

The Two Woodpeckers 

Wife, who doesn't have a jealous bone in her head, is an ardent student of Confucius. (Wife: "Why the hell would anybody care what someone named 'Confuse Us' has to say?!?"). Her philosophy is:

OK for re_coll to meet girl in park, as long as re_coll not park meat in girl!

On one occasion when I had to go out of town for a week-long business meeting, Wife decided to tell me a story the night before I left. I shall share it with you.

There were once two woodpeckers who had been childhood friends. They attended the same high school, and even went to the same college. Unfortunately, after graduation, their chosen careers separated them. One woodpecker moved to California, and his friend wound up in Georgia.

After several years had passed, with both woodpeckers becoming successful and advancing in their jobs, the Georgia woodpecker decided that he should have a new home. He selected a tall Georgia Pine, flew about halfway up, and began pecking. He pecked away for hours, stopping only when he was completely exhausted, only to find that he had barely dented the tree. He realized that the tree was simply too hard for him to carve out a condo, and became depressed. He moped around for a couple of days, then remembered his friend in California, who had always been good at finding solutions to difficult problems. So the Georgia woodpecker emailed his friend and invited him to come and spend some time in Georgia.

The California woodpecker soon arrived, and after an emotional reunion, the Georgia woodpecker explained why he was so depressed. The California woodpecker, after listening sympathetically, decided to fly up to the worksite on the side of the Pine and see if he could figure out what the problem was. Not spotting anything immediately, the California woodpecker decided to try his luck. He began pecking, and soon wood chips were flying everywhere. Within a couple of hours, the California woodpecker had carved his friend a nice nine-room condo! The Georgia woodpecker was very happy with his new home, and shed many tears when his friend had to leave.

All during his flight back to California, the California woodpecker thought about his friend's new condo, and by the time he arrived back home, he decided that he should likewise have a condo. So he selected a Sequoia in the best part of the forest, flew to an appropriate height, and commenced pecking. It didn't take him long to realize that he was not making any headway whatsoever, and that it would be impossible for him to ever complete his project. Although he felt sorry for himself temporarily, he soon decided to email his friend in Georgia, hoping that a visit to California might inspire his friend to come up with a solution to the problem.

The Georgia woodpecker soon arrived in California. After a brief rest, the Georgia woodpecker flew up to inspect the Sequoia. Not noticing anything amiss, the Georgia woodpecker felt that it would not hurt anything if he tried his luck. He set to work, and, woodchips flying, soon had his friend a condo comparable to his own.

The moral of this story, according to Wife?

The farther away from home you are, the harder your pecker gets. 'Nuff said.