Thursday, April 22, 2004

Roosters (Part I) 

Realizing that his rooster is getting on in years and is no longer able to keep his flock of hens satisfied, the Farmer decides that he needs a new, younger rooster.

One day he comes home from the market with a fine young rooster. The Farmer puts the rooster in the barnyard, then goes inside for supper, intending to come back later to see how the new rooster is getting along with the rest of the flock.

After watching the Farmer disappear into the house, the young rooster turns around and finds himself confronted by the Farmer's flock. As a couple of hundred hens look on, the old rooster struts up to the new rooster and looks him over.

Old Rooster: Sonny, you need to understand that you can't just walk in here and take over as the Head Rooster. Now, I understand that it is our custom to fight to the death, but I have a proposition for you.

Young Rooster: OK, Pops, whatcha got in mind?

Old Rooster: Instead of fighting, I propose a race! Three times around the barn, and the winner is Head Rooster!

(The Young Rooster can barely contain his excitement! He is at least 20 years younger than the Old Rooster, so he knows he can easily outrun him, and this way, he won't even have to worry about the old dude getting in a lucky shot with a spur and marring his (the Young Rooster's) good looks!)

Young Rooster: Hey, not only will I agree, I'll even give you a half-barn head start!

Old Rooster: That's mighty sporting of you, Son. Shall we meet here in 30 minutes and begin the race?

Young Rooster: I'll be here!

The Young Rooster spends the next 30 minutes getting acquainted with the hens and bragging about how badly he will beat the Old Rooster. Since the Young Rooster is very attractive and muscular, the hens are all impressed, and, although sorry to see the Old Rooster embarrassed, they can't contain their enthusiasm about having a new, young, virile Head Rooster.

The time for the race arrives, and the Old Rooster comes limping out of the coop. He takes his place halfway around the barn, per the stipulation granted by the challenger. One of the hens clucks three times, and they're off!

As the roosters complete the first lap, the hens are cheering loudly, due to the fact that the Young Rooster has gained almost half of the "head start" on the Old Rooster. The roosters disappear around the corner of the barn, and the cheering from the hens dies down temporarily, only to soar to an even louder level when the roosters reappear and the Young Rooster is only a quarter of the distance behind the Old Rooster. The roosters embark on the last lap, and this time the cheering does not subside. The hens look expectantly toward the back corner of the barn, and when the Old Rooster rounds the corner only a few feet ahead of the Young Rooster, the cheering becomes deafening! Then, when the roosters are only a few feet from the finish line and the Young Rooster is about to make his move...


The Old Rooster crosses the finish line breathlessly.

The Young Rooster's feathers waft gently through the air.

The Farmer reloads his shotgun, while muttering to himself: It just don't figure. That's the third gay rooster I've bought this week!